ASHEVILLE, N.C. (828newsNOW) — Tuesday dawned nice and chilly, but the 40-degree temperatures didn’t stop people from lining up under the FEMA tent at Buncombe County Sports Park.
“Did you lose your house?” the woman beside me asked.
I said no, the house was good. But the basement flooded, and everything down there was ruined.
“I’m just sorry for what you’re going through,” I said after she told me her home in Swannanoa was unlivable.
“Don’t be. You lost stuff, too. You’re a victim, too,” she said.
“Not really,” I said. “I still have a house. You lost everything.”
“That’s survivor’s guilt,” she replied. “You are living with mold and breathing that air. You lost some of your belongings. You are a victim.”
I never thought about it like that. I guess she saw the surprised look on my face.
“Survivors shouldn’t feel guilty for not losing everything. They’re the ones who are helping us,” she said. “They are the ones stepping up. They — you — have nothing to feel guilty about.”
Survivor’s guilt
Survivor’s guilt — a response to an event in which someone experienced loss but you did not — seems to be alive and well in the Asheville area after the remnants of Hurricane Helene unleashed floodwaters that killed at least 43 in Buncombe County and devastated several small communities, including Swannanoa.
In the days and weeks that followed, there were hot meals, free water and supplies. Friends and neighbors joined strangers in making sure people in Western North Carolina had what they needed to survive. There was help from government agencies, utility companies, coal miners and volunteers from across the country.
There has been grief, strength and hope. But there’s been guilt, too.
I heard the storm — the torrential rain, the howling wind.
I spent hours in the basement as the rain continued to seep through the walls and flow under the door. I had one pump running, but it couldn’t keep up with the rising water. I used a wet/dry shop vacuum, working feverishly to get as much water out of the basement as possible before it could get into the HVAC system down there.
By the next morning, the pump and vacuum had quit after overheating during the night. I could barely stand up straight from bailing. But the water was down to only a couple inches.
I set off to find another pump. I wasn’t the only one looking for help with a flooded basement; I saw the same people at several stores before I found a pump I could use.
By this time, more rain was falling and my original pump and shop vac were working again.
The electricity went out a few hours later.
I was more than powerless. I had no cell phone service, no internet, no way to know if my friends, family and loved ones were OK. I was blind.
I knew I was fine, but that was it. I didn’t know Chimney Rock and Swannanoa were gone, or that landslides had killed almost a dozen in the Fairview area, or that Marshall, the River Arts District and Biltmore Village were underwater.
Everyone who experienced the storm was impacted by it, even if they didn’t lose a house or loved ones. The scope of the loss, or lack thereof, doesn’t matter. There’s still trauma and stress. It takes a toll.
Recovery
Electricity, cell service and internet slowly returned. Water, however, was a problem. It took 23 days to get water back to the West Asheville/Enka/Candler area. That water still isn’t usable for anything except flushing.
Grocery stores restocked and the lines at gas stations returned to normal.
Life goes on.
But it’s different for all of us.
We don’t cook because we have to hoard bottled water for bathing, brushing our teeth, washing our hands and drinking.
We don’t do laundry at home because the water is dirty and, honestly, I’m not sure it would get the clothes any cleaner than they are.
I and many others are going through the FEMA process.
I’m stressed. I’m frustrated. I’m angry.
I’m stressed because of everything that’s going on.
I’m frustrated because life isn’t simple anymore. It revolves around clean water now. I would love a home-cooked meal that dirtied every pot in the kitchen, and I’d gladly wash those dishes.
I’m angry because I can’t help but think the city hasn’t done what it should in caring for its water system over the years.
More than anything, though, I wish I could do more to help those who lost more than I did.
Help is out there
N.C. Health and Human Services Secretary Kody H. Kinsley stressed in a recent news release that help is available.
“You are not alone, there is always someone to call and someone to respond if you need help with your mental or behavioral health,” Kinsley said. “Hurricane Helene brought catastrophic damage that will be felt immediately and for weeks, months and years to come. We are committed to helping those who are impacted right now, and for the long haul.”
The following resources are always available if you or a loved one need help immediately:
- The national Disaster Distress Helpline, 1-800-985-5990, is a 24/7, 365-day-a-year resource dedicated to providing immediate crisis counseling for people impacted by a natural disaster or emergency. Help is available in English and Spanish. Deaf and hard of hearing callers can call or text through their preferred ASL relay provider.
- Help is available to anyone, anytime in English or Spanish through a call, text or chat to 988. Learn more at 988Lifeline.org. The person who answers your call is a trained counselor and can provide immediate support.
- The statewide Peer Warmline, 1-855-PEERS NC (855-733-7762), is staffed 24/7 by peer support specialists who offer non-clinical support and resources to those in crisis. Peers are people living in recovery with mental illness and/or substance use disorder who provide support through the lens of personal lived experience.
- For first responders and volunteers, it’s important to take care of yourself while you take care of others. For stress, emotional fatigue, a mental health crisis or just someone to talk to, call Hope4NC Helpline at 1-855-587-3463 for free, confidential, 24/7 support.
- The Disability Disaster Hotline, 800-626-4959, provides information, referrals and guidance to people with disabilities and their families during disasters. Help is available 24/7.
- People who are uninsured or have Medicaid can also call the crisis line of the Local Management Entity/Managed Care Organization in their region:
– Partners: 1-833-353-2093 (serves western region)
– Vaya Health: 1-800-849-6127 (serves western region)
– Alliance: 1-877-223-4617
– Trillium: 1-888-302-0738 - Mobile Crisis teams are operating throughout the disaster area. Mobile Crisis teams can send trained clinicians to a home, community or shelter to respond to an urgent need. To get connected with a mobile crisis team or to receive the most up-to-date information on Behavioral Health resources, call Vaya Health at 1-800-849-6127.